Vol 15 Issue 16 ~ Editor: Rev. Fr. Courtney Edward Krier
April 16, 2022 ~ Holy Saturday
1. Sacrament of Penance
2. Easter Sunday
3. Saint Anicetus
4. Family and Marriage
5. Articles and notices
Dear Reader:
On Good Friday all of Christendom paused to commemorate the death of Jesus Christ on the Cross. Sunday Catholics will commemorate the Resurrection of Jesus Christ. For non-Catholics that ended the life of Christ on earth. For Catholics, not only do we point to the Ascension, but we know the words of Jesus Christ, Behold I am with you all days, even to the consummation of the world (Matt. 28:20) are a reality because the love of Christ, which is infinite, chose to be with those He redeemed as the Bread from Heaven, to be united with them. Saint Paul, in his First Epistle to the Corinthians, chapter 10, speaks of the Old Testament prefigurements before speaking of the Holy Eucharist: And did all eat the same spiritual food, and all drank the same spiritual drink; and they drank of the spiritual rock that followed them, and the rock was Christ. (1 Cor. 10:3-4) The fulfilment of this type can only be a reality and Paul provides the reality when he writes further: The chalice of benediction, which we bless, is it not the communion of the blood of Christ? And the bread, which we break, is it not the partaking of the body of the Lord? For we, being many, are one bread, one body, all that partake of one bread. (vv. 16-17) That is, if Christ was present with the Israelites during their sojourn in the desert spiritually, then Christ is really present with His people during their sojourn on earth in the New Testament.
And where is this Presence of Christ? In the Tabernacles throughout the world in which the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass is truly offered. Paul points to this correlation in the next chapter:
For I have received of the Lord that which also I delivered unto you, that the Lord Jesus, the same night in which he was betrayed, took bread. And giving thanks, broke, and said: Take ye, and eat: this is my body, which shall be delivered for you: this do for the commemoration of me. In like manner also the chalice, after he had supped, saying: This chalice is the new testament in my blood: this do ye, as often as you shall drink, for the commemoration of me. For as often as you shall eat this bread, and drink the chalice, you shall shew the death of the Lord, until he come. Therefore whosoever shall eat this bread, or drink the chalice of the Lord unworthily, shall be guilty of the body and of the blood of the Lord. (1 Cor. 11:23-27)
This is why faithful Catholics do not go to Novus Ordo Churches that hold a faith community celebration or Protestant Lord’s Supper to visit Our Lord, knowing there it is only bread that is left in some container in a side room. But where the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass is truly offered, the faithful Catholics will gather as Our Lord predicted: Wheresoever the body shall be, thither will the eagles also be gathered together. (Luke 17:37)—To be continued.
As the Holy Week concludes and the Church begins its celebration of the Resurrection of Our Lord Jesus Christ, I wish to extend to all a most blessed and glorious day of the Feast of the Resurrection.
As always, enjoy the readings provided for your benefit.—The Editor
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WHAT IS THE SACRAMENT OF PENANCE
SECTION 2
The Church’s Forgiveness of Sins as a Sacrament
CHAPTER I
The Outward Signs of the Sacrament of Penance
I. Contrition
§ 9. Contrition in General
1. Concept and Necessity
The Council of Trent defines contrition (contritio, compunctio) as: “Grief of the soul for and detestation of the sins committed, with the intention not to sin in future”: animi dolor ac detestatio de peccato commisso, cum proposito non peccandi de cetero. D 897. Thus the act of contrition is composed of three acts of the will which converge to one unity: grief of soul, detestation, intention. It is neither necessary nor always possible that the grief of sorrow, which is a free act of the will, be expressed in sensory feelings of sorrow. The intention of sinning no more is virtually included in true sorrow for sins committed.
Contrition, as is evident from the nature of justification, is the first and the most necessary constituent part of the Sacrament of Penance, and has been an indispensable precondition of the forgiveness of sins at all times (D 897). Subsequent to the institution of the Sacrament of Penance this contrition must also include the intention of confession and atonement. As contrition is an essential ingredient of the sacramental sign, it must be expressly awakened during the reception of the Sacrament of Penance (contritio formalis).
2. Properties of Contrition
Salutary contrition (contritio salutaris) must be inward, supernatural, general and as to estimation supreme.
a) Contrition is inward when it is an act of understanding and will. Joel 2, 13: “Rend your hearts, and not your garments!” But as a constituent part of the sacramental sign it must also appear externally (self-accusation).
b) It is supernatural when it occurs under the influence of actual grace and proceeds from a morally good motive directed towards reconciliation with God. A mere natural sorrow has no salutary value. D 813, 1207.
c) It is general, when it extends to all grievous sins committed. It is not possible that one grievous sin be remitted without the other.
d) It is, as to estimation, supreme (appretiative summa), when the sinner detests sin as the greatest evil, and is ready to suffer every other evil rather than offend God again by a grievous sin. But contrition does not need to be supreme above all according to intensity of feeling (intensive summa).
3. Kinds of Contrition
Contrition is divided into perfect contrition (contritio caritate perfecta or contritio in the narrower sense) and imperfect contrition (contritio imperfecta or attritio).
St. Thomas distinguishes two kinds of sorrow according to their relation to Sanctifying Grace: Contritio is the sorrow of the justified (poententia formata sc. caritate), attritio the sorrow of the not yet justified (poenitentia informis sc. caritate non formata). Cf. De verit. 28, 8 ad 3.
Since the Council of Trent, a distinction is made between the two kinds of contrition according to the motive: perfect contrition proceeds from the motive of perfect love of God, imperfect contrition from the motive of imperfect love of God or from other supernatural motivating grounds which may be traced back to it, for example, hope of eternal reward or the fear of eternal punishment. It follows from the variety of the motives that the two kinds of sorrow are different not merely in degree but in nature.
§ 10. Perfect Contrition
1. The Nature of Perfect Contrition
The motive of perfect contrition is the perfect love of God, i.e., Charity. It consists in this that God is loved for His Own sake above all (amor benevolentiae or amicitiae). Its formal object is God’s goodness in itself (bonitas divina absoluta).
A preliminary stage of the perfect love of God is the love of thankfulness (amor gratitudinis); for true thankfulness has regard not so much for the good deed as for the disposition, from which the good deed proceeds. The formal object of love of thankfulness is the goodness of God which is evidenced in innumerable benefits, especially in the greatest benefit of the Redemption by Christ on the Cross (bonitas divina relativa). Thus the love of thankfulness merges automatically into Charity.
The love of desire (amor concupiscentiae or spei), in which one loves God for one’s own advantage, is primarily self-love, and therefore only secondarily and /428/ imperfectly love of God. It is not a sufficient motive of perfect contrition. Perfect love however does not demand that one renounce one’s own blessedness in God, but only that one’s own interest be subordinated to God’s interest. For this reason the Church rejected the teaching of Archbishop Fenelon of Cambrai (+ 1715), that Christian perfection consists in the condition of pure love of God to the exclusion of every other motive (amour desinteresse), D 1327 et seq. A definite grade of intensity or a long duration is not requisite for the essence of perfect love and perfect sorrow. These are accidental perfections only.
2. Extra-Sacramental Justification through Perfect Contrition
a) Perfect contrition bestows the grace of justification on the mortal sinner even before the actual reception of the Sacrament of Penance. (Sent. fidei proxima.)
The Council of Trent declared: etsi contritionem hanc aliquando caritate perfectam esse contingat hominemque Deo reconciliare, priusquam hoc sacramentum actu suscipiatur, etc. D 898.
The teaching of Baius that charity can co-exist with grievous sin (D 1031, 1070), and that perfect sorrow effects extra-sacramental justification only in the case of necessity and martyrdom, was rejected (D 1071).
b) Extra-sacramental justification is effected by perfect sorrow only when it is associated with the desire for the Sacrament (votum sacramenti). (De fide.)
The Council of Trent teaches: reconciliationem ipsi contritioni sine sacramenti voto, quod in illa includitur, non esse adscribendam. D 898. By the votum sacramenti the subjective and the objective factor of the forgiveness of sins, the act of sorrow of the penitent and the Church’s power of the keys are brought into connection with each other. The desire for the Sacrament is virtually contained in perfect sorrow.
In the Old Covenant perfect sorrow was the only means of the forgiveness of sins for adults. Cf. Ez. 18, 21 et seq.; 33, n et seq.; Ps. 31, 5. In the New Testament also, the operation of the forgiveness of sins is attributed to the perfect love of God. Cf. John 14, 21 et seq.; Luke 7, 47 (“Many sins are forgiven her because she hath loved much”); 1 John 4, 7.
The Fathers frequently interpret the passage: 1 Peter 4, 8; caritas operit multitudinem peccatorum (Charity covereth a multitude of sins), which according to its context, must be understood of the mutual pardoning of men, as referring to the forgiveness of sins by God on the ground of sorrow deriving from love. Cf. St. Clement of Rome, Cor. 49, 5; Origen, In Lev. Hom. 2, 4; St. Peter Chrysologus, Sermo 94. Among the seven means of forgiveness of sins, Origen names in the sixth place: “overflowing love” (abundantia caritatis) and appeals for confirmation to Luke 7, 47 and 1 Peter 4, 8.
§ 11. Imperfect Contrition
1. Nature of Imperfect Contrition
Imperfect contrition (attritio) is true contrition, which however springs from less perfect motives than perfect contrition. It detests sin as an evil for us, to the extent that it stains the soul with guilt (malum culpae) and involves a Divine punishment (malum poenae). Accordingly, the Council of Trent names as the principal motive of imperfect contrition: “the consideration of the turpitude of sin” (consideratio turpitudinis peccati) and “the fear of hell and (other) punishments” (metus gehennae et poenarum). D 898. The fear of punishment is no doubt the most frequent, but not the sole motive of imperfect contrition.
The fear which is the motive of imperfect contrition is not timor filialis, that is, filial fear, which co-exists with charity and in virtue of which one fears sin as an affront to the Supreme Good whom one loves with charity; neither is it timor serviliter servilis, that is, slavish fear, which fears only punishment, and in which the will cleaves to sin; it is, however, timor simpliciter servilis, that is, fear by which one fears, not the punishment only, but also God who punishes. This results in the aversion of the will from sin. Attritio, which is a due preparation for justification, must exclude the will to sin and be linked up with hope of pardon. D 898.
The word “attrition” has been current since the last quarter of the 12th century (Simon of Tournai; before 1175). Its significance in Scholastic Theology is indeterminate. Some theologians understand by it a contrition, which lacks the will for confession, for satisfaction or the purpose of amendment of life. In this sense it is insufficient for the forgiveness of sins.
2. Moral and Supernatural Value of Imperfect Contrition
Contrition springing from the motive of fear is a morally good and supernatural act. (De fide.)
As against Luther’s assertion that contrition springing from the fear of the punishment of hell makes a man a hypocrite and still more a sinner, the Council of Trent declared that this contrition “is a gift of God and a prompting of the Holy Ghost, by Whose help the penitent prepares the way to righteousness” (D 898), and that it “is a true and profitable sorrow” (D 915). Thus attritio is morally good and supernatural. Cf. D 818, 1305, 1411 et seq., 1525.
In many passages Holy Writ warns against sin by pointing to the Divine punishment. Mt. 10, 28: “Fear rather him that can destroy both soul and body in hell.” Cf. Ex. 20, 20; Ps. 118, 120; Mt. 5, 29 et seq.; John 5, 14.
The Fathers also very frequently employ the fear motive. Tertullian exhorts sinners to accept public penance pointing out that thereby they avoid the punishment of hell (De poenit. 12). St. Augustine recommends fear of the divine punishment as a means of preparing the way to the love of righteousness (Enarr. in Ps. 127, 7 et seq.). St. John Chrysostom says: “What is worse than hell? And still nothing is more profitable than fear of it; for the fear of hell procures for us the crown of the kingdom” (De statuis 15, 1).
The serious accusations made by A. W. Diekhort and A. Harnack against the doctrine of the later Middle Ages concerning contrition, to the effect that a contrition out of pure fear of punishment — “gallows contrition” — was taken as being sufficient, are not historically true.
(To be continued)
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The Sunday Sermons of the Great Fathers
M. F. Toal
THE GOSPEL OF THE SUNDAY
MARK xvi. 1-8
And when the sabbath was passed, Mary Magdalen, and Mary the Mother of James, and Salome, bought sweet spices, that coming, they might anoint Jesus. And very early in the morning, the first day of the week, they come to the sepulchre, the sun being now risen. And they said one to another: Who shall roll us back the stone from the door of the sepulchre? And looking, they saw the stone rolled back. For it was very great. And entering into the sepulchre, they saw a young man sitting on the right side, clothed with a white robe: and they were astonished. Who saith to them: Be not affrighted; you seek Jesus of Nazareth, who was crucified: he is risen, he is not here, behold the place where they laid him. But go, tell his disciples and Peter that he goeth before you into Galilee; there you shall see him, as he told you.
ST JOHN CHRYSOSTOM, BISHOP AND DOCTOR
The Fruits of Christ’s Resurrection
Let us celebrate this greatest and most shining feast, in which the Lord has risen from the dead. Let us celebrate it with joy, and in equal measure with devotion. For the Lord has risen, and together with Him He has raised the whole world. He has risen, because He has broken the bonds of death.
Adam sinned, and died. Christ did not sin; yet he died. This is strange and wondrous: the one sinned and died, the Other sinned not, yet He died. And why was this? So that by His aid Who did not sin he might be freed from the grasp of death who had sinned and died. So will it happen with regard to money. Oftentimes a man will owe a debt, and not having the means to pay he is put in bonds. Another who owes no debt, and has the means to pay, will deliver him who is liable to punishment. So did it happen with Adam. Adam was a debtor, and was held in bonds by the devil. But he had not the means to pay his debt. Christ was not a debtor, nor was he under the power of the devil, but He had the means to pay this debt. He came, and for the one held prisoner by the devil suffered death, to deliver him.
You behold the wondrous work of the Redemption? We were dead: by a twofold death, and we awaited a twofold resurrection. He died a single death, and so rose by a single Resurrection. What do these things mean? Adam, I repeat, died in both body and soul; he died by sin, he died by nature. In what day soever thou shalt eat of it, thou shalt die the death (Gen. ii. 17). But in that day he did not die in his nature; but he died by sin. The first death was of the soul; afterwards came that of the body.
But when you hear of the death of the soul, do not imagine that the soul dies; for the soul is immortal. The death of the soul is sin, and eternal punishment. Because of this Christ says: Fear ye not them that kill the body, and are not able to kill the soul: but rather fear him that can destroy both soul and body in hell (Mt. x. 8). He who is destroyed continues to be; but outside the sight of Him Who has destroyed him.
But as I said, there is a twofold death; and so twofold must be our resurrection. In Christ there was but one death. For Christ did not sin; but for us He suffered this single death. For He was not subject to death, since He was never a debtor to sin, and so neither was He liable to death. And so from a single death He rose in a single Resurrection from the dead. But we who have died a twofold death rise by a twofold resurrection. Until now we have risen by one resurrection: that is from sin. For we were buried with Him in baptism, and we have risen with Him through baptism. This resurrection is deliverance from our sins; the second is the resurrection of the body. He has given us the greater: we await the lesser. The first is greater than the second. For it is a greater thing to be delivered from our sins than for the body to see resurrection. Through this the body fell: because it sinned. If then this was the cause of its fall, to be freed from sin is the cause of its rising again.
We have risen in the greater resurrection: throwing off the greater death of sin, and putting off the old garment; so we need not despair regarding the lesser one. By this resurrection we rose when we were baptized; as these here who yesterday were found worthy of baptism; the dear lambs! The day before yesterday Christ was crucified; but as night passed He rose again today. And they on the day before yesterday were still held fast by sin; but together with Him they have risen. He died in the body, and in the body He rose again. They died through sin, and they have risen again, delivered from sin.
And as now in this time of spring the earth brings forth roses and violets and other flowers; and the rains make the fields yet more lovely, you do not think that the rains cause the flowers to spring up, nor that the earth of its own power brings forth, but that it is by God’s command the seed brings forth. And in the beginning water brought forth also animals that moved; for Scripture says: Let the waters bring forth the creeping creature having life (Gen. i. 20). And the command was fulfilled, and the substance without life brought forth living creatures. So now the waters bring forth, not reptiles however, but divine spiritual gifts. The waters have brought forth fish that were dumb and void of reason; now they bring forth spiritual fish endowed with reason: fish such as the Apostle caught: Come ye after me, He says, and I will make you fishers of men (Mt. iv. 19). This is the fishing He spoke of. A new kind indeed; for they who are wont to fish draw fish out of the water, but we throw them into the water; and that is how we fish!
Once under the Jewish Law there was a pool. Listen to what the pool could do, so as to learn of the poverty of the Law, and understand the richness of the Church. The pool was full of water, and at certain times an angel would descend and move the waters. And at the moving of the waters one sick man would enter the pool and be healed. And only one person was healed each year, and then the grace ended; not because of the poverty of the One Who bestowed the grace, but because of the infirmity of those who received it. Then an angel descended into the pond, and moved its waters, and one person was healed. The Lord of the angels descended into the Jordan, and moved the waters, and healed the whole world.
In the first case he who next descended into the pool, following the first, received no healing; for the grace was given to the Jewish sick. Here, after the first the second is healed, and after the second the third, and after the third the fourth, and even were ten, or a hundred, or ten thousand, or were you to plunge the whole world into the pool, you will not consume the grace, nor exhaust the gift, nor soil the stream. A new way of purification! For it is not of the body. For in bodily purification the more the water cleanses the more it becomes soiled. Here the more the water washes the cleaner it becomes.
Consider how great a gift this is! And treasure the greatness of this gift, O man! It is not lawful for you to live indifferently. Seek with all diligence to know the law to which you are subject. This life is a struggle and a warfare, and one who is fighting restrains himself in everything. Do you wish that I tell you a good and worthy way of doing what is just? Put out of your mind the things which seem to you of no importance but which yet bring about sin. For among our actions some are sinful, and some not sinful in themselves yet the cause of sin. So laughter of its nature is not a sin, but becomes sinful if indulged in beyond measure. For from laughter comes coarse jesting, from jesting arises obscenity in word, from that comes obscenity in deeds, and from evil deeds comes punishment and retribution.
Therefore first take out the root, that you may then remove the whole disease. For if we are watchful regarding the things that are indifferent we shall never fall into what is forbidden. Again, to look upon a woman may seem to many an indifferent thing; yet from this arises lustful desire, and from desire comes fornication, and from fornication chastisement and retribution. So also to live richly and delicately does not seem a very grave thing; yet from this comes excess, and from excess arises a thousand other evils. Let us therefore root out the beginnings of sin. Let us exercise ourselves daily in self-discipline.
For seven days continuously we shall gather here together, and we shall set before you a spiritual table; so that by our efforts you may taste of the divine wisdom, each day instructing you, and arming you against the devil. For now he fiercely assails us; for the greater the gift, so much greater will be the assault against us. For if the devil seeing even one enter paradise cannot bear it, tell me how can he endure to see so many in heaven. You have aroused this fierce beast; but do not fear! You have received greater power, a sharper sword. Pierce the serpent with it. God suffers the demon to rage against you; that you may learn by trial the force of your own strength. And as when a very good trainer of the gymnasium accepts some weak and wretched athlete, and when he has massaged him, taught him, and strengthened his body, he does not allow him to remain idle, but bids him enter the contests, so as to learn from experience what strength he has acquired. So has Christ also done. He could have removed the enemy from our midst, but that you may learn the superiority of His grace, the greatness of the spiritual strength you have received in your baptism, he allows him to attack you, giving you at the same time the opportunity to gain for yourself many victories.
For this reason, during the coming seven days, profit by these instructions, so as to learn how to stand firmly in the contest. We might call the days that follow spiritual nuptials; for in nuptials the adornments of the bridal chamber remain for seven days. And so we lay it upon you that for the coming seven days you assist at these spiritual nuptials. In the world however, after the seven days, every thing is put away; but here, should you wish it, you may remain for all your days in this sacred bridal chamber. And in earthly nuptials also, after a month or two, the spouse is not so lovable to her bridegroom. Here it is not so; for the more time passes the greater becomes the love of the bridegroom, the sweeter His embraces, the closer the spiritual union; provided we are watchful and in earnest.
In earthly nuptials after youth comes age. Here should you desire it youth begins again: a youth without end. A great grace; but it shall be greater if we deserve it. Paul was great when he was baptized; how much greater did he not become? When he began to preach he confounded the Jews. Later he was rapt up to Paradise and ascended to the third heaven. So we may also increase in the grace given us at baptism: if we will. And this grace increases through doing good, becoming yet more perfect, and giving us yet greater beauty of soul.
And should this happen to us, with confidence shall we enter the dwelling of the Bridegroom, and there enjoy the things He has prepared for those who love Him. May it be granted to each one of us to reach this happiness, through the grace and mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ, to Whom, with the Father and the Holy Ghost, be there glory and adoration, world without end. Amen.
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APRIL 17: ST ANICETUS, POPE AND MARTYR (C. A.D. 165)
ST ANICETUS was raised to the chair of St Peter in the latter part of the reign of the Emperor Antoninus Pius. He is styled a martyr in the Roman and other martyrologies and, if he did not actually shed his blood for the faith, he at least purchased the title of martyr by the sufferings and trials he endured. His efforts appear to have been specially directed to combating the errors of Valentine and Marcion and to protecting his flock from heresy. It was whilst he was pope that St Polycarp, the great bishop of Smyrna, came to Rome in connection with the controversy about the date of Easter. The conference which took place led to no settlement, but, to quote the words of Eusebius, “the bonds of charity were not broken”. St Anicetus is said to have been a Syrian.
SS. MAPPALICUS AND HIS COMPANIONS, MARTYRS (c. A.D. 250)
THE persecution under Decius was the most systematic and general attack which Christianity had yet experienced. The emperor had determined to exterminate completely a fast-increasing body which he regarded as a menace because it obeyed an authority other than his own. On one specified day every denizen of the empire was ordered to sacrifice to the gods and to the genius of the emperor, suspected persons being specially summoned by name, and severe penalties being decreed for those who refused. As soon as news of the edict arrived in Carthage, St Cyprian, the bishop, knowing that he would be the first to be arrested, withdrew into a hiding-place outside the city from whence he could direct and support his flock. The full rigour of the edict was not experienced until the arrival of the proconsul in April 250. He was not content to remain in the city, but made a tour throughout the province, using such severity that many who had hitherto remained faithful fell away. The protomartyr of this persecution in Carthage was a confessor of the name of Mappalicus, whom St Cyprian in his Epistle to Martyrs and Confessors singles out for special praise. After having undergone the torture of the iron claw he was brought before the tribunal, to whom he announced triumphantly that on the morrow they would witness a contest indeed. The following day he was again tortured and perished under the infliction. He was soon followed by other martyrs who gained their crown in various ways, one under torture, one in the mines, and fifteen who died of starvation and of the filthy conditions they endured when herded in two terrible cells.
(Butler’s Lives of the Saints)
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CANA IS FOREVER
COUNSELS FOR BEFORE AND AFTER MARRIAGE
By Charles Hugo Doyle (1949)
Chapter Four: PROXIMATE PREPARATION FOR MARRIAGE
Parental counsel
Before thinking of engagement, be sure to consult your parents regarding your choice. Here, again, the wisdom of Pope Pius XI is evidenced in his words addressed to young men and women as follows:
“Let them not fail to ask the prudent advice of their parents with regard to the partner and let them regard this advice in no light manner, in order that by their mature knowledge and experience of human affairs they may guard against a baneful mistake, and on the threshold of matrimony may receive more abundantly the Divine blessing, the Commandment: “Honor thy father and thy mother,” which is the first Commandment with a promise, “that it may be well with thee and thou mayest be long-lived upon the earth.”
I can’t imagine a worse insult to one’s parents than to become engaged, much less married, without consulting them. It is something that will bother conscience as long as one lives. I can vividly recall a middle-aged man who called at the rectory one day. When I came into the office I noticed he was weeping, and he told me that the reason for his tears was simply that he had heard that day his daughter had been married a month earlier. He was hurt and crushed. Like every father, he had planned for the pleasure of seeing his daughter married to a worthwhile man. However, she had seen fit to mistrust him. “But, Father,” he said, “why I weep today is that I did the same thing to my parents. I married without telling my parents and when I did break the news to Mother, she just looked at me—dry-eyed and calm—and said, ‘Just wait, Son. Your turn will come too.’ And it did!”
Consultation with your pastor or confessor
Not only should your parents be consulted, but also your pastor or confessor. Many a broken home or heart or both might have been avoided if the spiritual father had been asked as to the wisdom of the choice of mate in life and the choice of the life partner. And don’t wait until you go in to have the banns announced. Call on the pastor or confessor before you become engaged.
When all these suggestions have been wisely followed and the choice has been made only after prayerful consideration and wise counsel, the parties become what is known as “engaged.”
A proper period of engagement
What do we understand by engagement? An engagement is simply a mutual promise to marry. Its purpose is to permit the parties to get to know one another better and to test the depth and the sincerity of the mutual affection and love. As regards the length of the engagement, from six months to a year is reasonable and desirable.
The period of engagement is in no way to be considered a license for dangerous and/or impure love-making. Bear this in mind:
(1) All actions performed for the purpose of promoting or stimulating venereal pleasure are mortal sins.
(2) All directly venereal actions are mortal sins.
(3) All actions involving the proximate danger of performing directly venereal actions or of consenting to venereal pleasure are mortal sins.
(4) Indirectly venereal actions performed without a relatively sufficient reason are venial sins.
Now, regarding kissing and embracing the general rule is as follows: If they are indulged in from impure motives or if immodest intimacy is involved or if there is proximate danger of something seriously sinful happening, such kissing is mortally sinful.
The Reverend Gerald Kelly, S.J., in his fine pamphlet entitled “Modern Youth and Chastity,” which should be required reading for all young men and women, says: “It is clear that two people eligible for marriage and genuinely in love do not sin by manifesting their love in a modest and moderate fashion, with a reasonable assurance of controlling themselves should passion be unintentionally aroused. Again, the kiss or embrace which is according to a recognized convention of good people is not sinful. Generally speaking, such things do not abuse passion, or if they do, it is slight and easily controlled.”[ The Queen’s Work, 3742 West Pine Blvd., St. Louis 8, Mo.]
During the period of engagement do not make the mistake of building your love on lust. Lust and love are two different things. Sex indulgence before marriage, in place of giving pleasure, can be most bitter and disillusioning. I remember reading once of a little boy who while visiting his grandmother in the country noticed some buds on a rose bush. He kept pestering his grandmother to let him open one of the buds to see the rose. In spite of the injunction of the wise grandmother that the roses must bloom in their own natural way, the boy still insisted on opening a bud. Finally, when the permission was granted, the lad tore open the little hard green bud and was disappointed in seeing nothing but a nondescript pulp.
The same thing holds true of those who attempt sexual pleasures before marriage. They will find them bitter and disturbing. Prof. C. E. Groves, a leading sociologist writing on the subject, says:
“In addition to the part this experience of petting plays in bringing greater maturity to heterosexual urges, there are also two contrasting results connected with it that need to be separated and understood. One is the fact that courtship to a considerable degree acts as a sublimation of physical sex desire. The biological hunger is transferred into complex expression that is essentially mental and social and were this not true the idealization of courtship would be negligible and human maturity would continue close to the pairing of animals.
“Were this all that analysis reveals, the problem would indeed be simple, but it is certain also that expression of sex attraction in courtship acts upon the organism in exactly opposite ways. It is truly a stimulating as well as a sublimating experience. Whatever may be the reaction of the imagination, there is a basic body structure organized to respond to sex stimulation in whatever form it appears. And this body mechanism, once it is aroused, has no
concern with inhibitions or sublimating experiences but is set to proceed directly to a purely physical release of nervous energy.
“Experience with this problem has led to the recognition of certain hazards that the intelligent person will recognize. One is the danger of precocious commitment. Under stimulation, intimacy may go so far as to make it seem to one or both individuals that marriage is an obligation, even though as a result of this recognition there may be loss of the desire to marry—obligation is always a dangerous doorway to matrimony, and anything that makes it liable is detrimental to the social purpose of courtship.
“The second consequence of courtship intimacy may be a fixation of sex hunger upon the line of what is known as its secondary expression. In cases, not a few, as the specialist knows, individuals who seemed highly sexed in courtship have lost, because of their habit of secondary sex expression, their normal biological hunger and on this forced to find in marriage an anticlimax.
“It is also found in some instances that by allowing sex intimacy to go to great lengths, the value the woman had for the man, or that the man had for the woman, and which had previously prophesied marriage, is lost and the association is aborted by having become so largely physical in character.”[ Marriage, E. R. Groves, pp. 113-115. New York: Henry Holt and Company.]
It would appear from Holy Scripture that one is rewarded for a virtuous life by the choice of a virtuous mate. In the Book of Ecclesiasticus we read: “A good wife is a good portion, which shall be given in portion of them that fear the Lord.” Endeavor then during your time of courtship and engagement to shun evil and avoid senseless temptations so that you might merit a worthy mate. Prayer will help in that choice too, for “unless the Lord build the house, they labour in vain that build it.” (Psalms 126:1.)
For those who, after reading through this entire chapter, find themselves confused and amazed by the seemingly infinite number of requisite virtues and characteristics demanded of those who seek union of mind and heart in wedlock, there is some small consolation in the knowledge that it takes the exports of thirty-six different countries to supply the ingredients of a single lowly hot dog. Should we be surprised then that many different virtues and characteristics are required in marriage to assure its happy outcome?
When every other requisite is met as suggested in this chapter, be sure that the love is genuine. Here is how the Reverend J. J. O’Connor, S.J., says you can be sure that it is true love and not a
facsimile.
“Happiness and joy in each other’s company, an anxiety for self-development to be more worthy of the partner, a consciousness of an intellectual, moral and emotional advancement as a result of being together, a longing for each other when separated, a toleration of each other’s foibles, and a willingness to make concessions—if these are the experiences had by a courting couple, then they can be fairly certain that between them true love exists.”
There is an old Tuscan proverb that says: “In buying horses and in taking a wife shut your eyes tight and commend yourself to God.” I think you will fare much better if, while commending yourself to God, you keep both eyes wide open!
Let us return to Cana of Galilee for a consideration of a most meaningful Old Testament custom observed in every Jewish wedding, which doubtless must have formed a part of the wedding feast at Cana.
In those ancient days every bride went to her nuptials wearing on her head a crown of myrtle, [Ketoubot II: 1] an evergreen shrub especially prized for its fragrant leaves. Likewise, every bridegroom wore a crown of myrtle, to which were added red roses.
From time immemorial myrtle has been considered as sacred to Venus, the legendary goddess of love, while red roses have everywhere symbolized love. The old song runs:
“My love is like the red, red rose.”
The wearing of the myrtle and rose crowns by the bride and bridegroom is strikingly significant. The lesson is obvious. The placing of the symbol of love on the head was done to point out that the mind, the intelligence, must play the dominant role in any choice of a life partner. In other words, the importance of sound judgment in all matters of love.
In this, as in so many other ways, the lessons of Cana are thought-provoking. And it might not be amiss to observe that a crown has only to slip down a little to become a noose!
(To be continued.)
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Father Krier will be in Eureka, Nevada, on April 21.
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