Vol 15 Issue 6 ~ Editor: Rev. Fr. Courtney Edward Krier
February 5, 2022Saint Agatha, opn!
1. Sacrament of Penance
2. Fifth Sunday after Epiphany
3. Saint Titus
4. Family and Marriage
5. Articles and noticesDear Reader:
Taking into consideration the thoughts of last week and having to hear those presenting progressive ideas, I want to inform you that in the present educational and social justice movements there is widely spread the notion that Christopher Columbus bringing Christianity to the Americas was the most unjust event in the history of mankind—the so-called Critical Race Theory, 1619. According to these movements, his arrival introduced social injustice in a world that previously only knew harmony as each ethnic group lived as it wanted in perfect happiness. But, if you read history—and that even without a Catholic perspective—it was never so. Even in that time period all nations were pretty much at war with each other. Slavery was practiced wholesale in Africa and the Middle East (including Turkey), especially where the Mohammedans (Islam) ruled. China was building the Great Wall of China against the Mongols. India saw the rise and fall of leaders and a struggle against the Mohammedan invaders seeking to take over the trade routes. Southeast Asia also had the same struggles. The Indigenous people living in North America were killing and sacrificing each other or dying of starvation—their numbers were not growing, they were barely surviving. Those in South America were no different. Knowing history, one can see that empires rise and fall, nations come and go, people were being enslaved and massacred throughout the centuries throughout the world. Only in nations that had been influenced by Catholic and rational Principles was the advancement of civilization to be noticeably witnessed with few exceptions in both spectrums.
Now civilization may be defined as the organizing of society for the betterment of its citizens (civis is citizen in Latin). The more advanced in the organization for the betterment of the citizens, the greater the progress in education and the arts (intellectual development applied into the practical use of things). It was the standpoint of looking toward the future and not just the present (or worse—the past, where one seeks vengeance). People living for the present look to themselves with a basis of survival of the fittest that is not able to see anything better in the future. Their lives are lived for the present, and they fail to provide for the future. It is the proverbial example expressed in Aesop’s fable, The Ants and the Grasshopper. Of course the Grasshopper wanted the ants’ food—just as we see today in so-called redistribution or equity movements. They are the ones who want the piece of candy now rather than wait and receive a second piece for waiting—doubling the enjoyment.
Those living for the future understand that the present is for the future and direct everything for that future. They are willing to wait for the doubling of the candy knowing it is worth waiting for. A person who lives for the future, saves for the future. A person living for the present spends now for what it wants presently, disregarding the future and is thereby unprepared for the future. As Catholics we are endowed to expect a future life, and this places our endeavors to be better prepared for the future—meaning there is progress and constant striving for progress—and we move everything and everyone toward that end.
The view of the future is within human nature and is not necessarily to be considered supernatural—only that of the belief in life everlasting (Beatific Vision) raises the future to a supernatural level. The question is, without faith, what then is that future? Who decides that future?
In basing the future on a false premise, that future is inevitably false—that is, it is untenable and unsustainable. In contrasting the past with the present it is possible to see where one went wrong, what mistakes were made and how to correct errors. If that past is presented in a distorted way, the truth of the past is lost and the future will end up distorted. This is the problem in today’s education where the past is not presented completely, and what is presented is distorted to meet an agenda. Those receiving that distorted version cannot contrast it with the past as it really was if they never know that the version they were given was distorted or able to see the true version.
Therefore, we should take history lessons seriously and contrast the present with the past and ask if history is repeating itself or progressing by the correction of past errors—this is seen in the advancement of intellectual arts and dignity of the human person. As Catholics it will also take the course of truth and justice in establishing the kingdom of God in our lives in upholding the order that brings about civilization that leads to life everlasting, that is, heaven.
Please note! A re-introduction of paganism is not progress. A return to error (chaos) is not progress. The removal of law and order is not progress. A lowering of standards is not progress. A loss of personal self-control (vice as opposed to virtue—virtue=strength) is not progress. Failure is not progress. All these regressions are an admission that one no longer lives for the future but for the present which is untenable for a future and leads to a loss of civilization. Excuses for a reversion to a hunter-gatherer society is not progress, but a denial of humanity being destined for the future.
As Catholic adults, may we not fail ourselves, but find in ourselves a constant progress in the virtues that raise us in the knowledge of being and preparing us for the future. May we not succumb to the ideologies of the world that sits in darkness and the shadow of death, but walk in the light of grace gracefully. (cf. Luke 1:79; 1 John 1:17)
As always, enjoy the readings provided for your benefit.—The Editor
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WHAT IS THE SACRAMENT OF PENANCE
The Catechism of the Council of Trent
(Part II, Chapter 5)
ON THE SACRAMENT OF PENANCE.
Confession, its importance.
Having said thus much on contrition, we now come to confession, which is another part of penance. [I.] The care and exactness which its exposition demands, must be at once obvious, if we only reflect, that whatever of piety, of holiness, of religion, has been preserved to our times in the Church of God, is, in the general opinion of the truly pious, to be ascribed in a great measure, under divine Providence, to the influence of Confession. It cannot, therefore, be matter of surprise, that the enemy of the human race, in his efforts to level to its foundation the fabric of Catholicity, should, through the agency of the ministers of his wicked designs, have assailed, with all his might, this bulwark of Christian virtue. The pastor, therefore, will teach, in the first place, that the institution of confession is most useful and even necessary.
[II.] Contrition, it is true, blots out sin; but who is ignorant, that to effect this, it must be so intense, so ardent, so vehement, as to bear a proportion to the magnitude of the crimes which it effaces? This is a degree of contrition which few reach, and hence, through perfect contrition alone, very few indeed could hope to obtain the pardon of their sins. It, therefore, became necessary, that the Almighty, in his mercy, should afford a less precarious and less difficult means of reconciliation, and of salvation; and this he has done, in his admirable wisdom, by giving to his Church the keys of the kingdom of heaven. According to the doctrine of the Catholic Church, a doctrine firmly to be believed and professed by all her children, if the sinner have recourse to the tribunal of penance with a sincere sorrow for his sins, and a firm resolution of avoiding them in future, although he bring not with him that contrition which may be sufficient of itself to obtain the pardon of sin; his sins are for given by the minister of religion, through the power of the keys. Justly, then, do the Holy Fathers proclaim, that by the keys of the Church, the gate of heaven is thrown open; [Ambr. serm. 1, de quadrag. citatur de pœnit, dist. 1. c. ecce nunc. August, lib. 2 de adul. conjug. 59. Chrysost de sacerdot. lib. 3.] a truth which the decree of the Council of Florence, declaring that the effect of penance is absolution from sin, renders it imperative on all, unhesitatingly to believe.[Flor. Conc. in decreto Eugenii. IV. de pœnit. dist. 6. c. sacerdos.]
[III.] To appreciate the advantages of confession, we should not lose sight of an argument which has the sanction of experience. To those who have led immoral lives, nothing is found so useful towards a reformation of morals, as sometimes to disclose their secret thoughts, their words, their actions, to a prudent and faithful friend, who can guide them by his advice, and assist them by his co-operation. On the same principle must it prove most salutary to those, whose minds are agitated by the consciousness of guilt, to make known the diseases and wounds of their souls to the priest, as the vicegerent of Jesus Christ, bound to eternal secrecy by every law human and divine. In the tribunal of penance they will find immediate remedies, the healing qualities of which will not only remove the present malady, but also prove of such lasting efficacy as to be, in future, an antidote against the easy approach of the same moral disease.
[IV.] Another advantage, derivable from confession, is too important to be omitted: confession contributes powerfully to the preservation of social order. Abolish sacramental confession, and, that moment, you deluge society with all sorts of secret crimes—crimes too, and others of still greater enormity, which men, once that they have been depraved by vicious habits, will not dread to commit in open day. The salutary shame that attends confession, restrains licentiousness, bridles desire, and coerces the evil propensities of corrupt nature.
Nature and efficacy of confession.
Having explained the advantages of confession, the pastor will next unfold its nature and efficacy. Confession, then, is defined “A sacramental accusation of one’s self, made to obtain pardon by virtue of the keys.” It is properly called “an accusation,” because sins are not to be told as if the sinner boasted of his crimes, as they do, “who are glad when they have done evil;” [Prov. ii. 14.] nor are they to be related as idle stories or passing occurrences, to amuse: they are to be confessed as matters of self-accusation, with a desire, as it were, to avenge them on ourselves. But we confess our sins with a view to obtain the pardon of them; and, in this respect, the tribunal of penance differs from other tribunals, which take cognizance of capital offences, and before which a confession of guilt is sometimes made, not to secure acquittal but to justify the sentence of the law. The definition of confession by the Holy Fathers, [Chrysost. 20, in Genes.] although different in words, is substantially the same: “Confession,” says St. Augustine, “is the disclosure of a secret disease, with the hope of obtaining a cure;” [Aug. ser. 4, de verbis Domini.] and St. Gregory: “confession is a detestation of sins:” [Greg. hom. 40. in Evangel.] both of which accord with, and are contained in the preceding definition.
Instituted by Christ.
The pastor will next teach, with all the decision due to a revealed truth, a truth of paramount importance, that this Sacrament owes its institution to the singular goodness and mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ, who ordered all things well, and solely with a view to our salvation. [Vid. Trid. sess. 14. de pœnit. e. 5. et can. 6.] After his resurrection, he breathed on the assembled Apostles, saying: “Receive ye the Holy Ghost, whose sins you shall forgive, they are forgiven; and whose sins you shall retain, they are retained.” [John xx. 22, 23.] By in vesting the sacerdotal character with power to retain as well as to remit sins, he thus, it is manifest, constitutes them judges in the causes on which this discretionary power is to be exercised. This he seems to have signified when, having raised Lazarus from the dead, he commanded his Apostles to loose him from the bands in which he was bound. [John xi. 44.] This is the interpretation of St. Augustine: “they,” says he, “the priests, can now do more: they can exercise greater clemency towards those who confess, and whose sins they forgive. The Lord by the hands of his Apostles delivered Lazarus, whom he had already raised from the dead, to be loosed by the hands of his disciples; thus giving us to understand that to priests was given the power of loosing.” [De vera et lalsa pœnit. c. 16. et serm. 8, de verbis Domini.] [II.] To this, also, refers the command given by our Lord to the lepers cured on the way, to show themselves to the priests, and subject themselves to their judgment. [Luke xvii. 14.] Invested, then, as they are, by our Lord with power to remit and retain sins, priests are, evidently, appointed judges of the matter on which they are to pronounce; and as, according to the wise admonition of the Council of Trent, we cannot form an accurate judgment on any matter, or award to crime a just proportion of punishment, without having previously examined, and made ourselves well acquainted with the cause; hence arises a necessity, on the part of the penitent, of making known to the priest, through the medium of confession, each and every sin. [Sess. 14. c. 5. et can. 7. de pœnit.] This doctrine, a doctrine defined by the holy synod of Trent, the uniform doctrine of the Catholic Church, the pastor will teach. [III.] An attentive perusal of the Holy Fathers will present innumerable passages throughout their works, proving in the clearest terms that this Sacrament was instituted by our Lord, and that the law of sacramental confession, which, from the Greek, they call “exomologesis,” and “exagoreusis,” is to be received as evangelical. That the different sorts of sacrifices, which were offered by the priests for the expiation of different sorts of sins, seem, beyond all doubt, to have reference to sacramental confession, an examination of the figures of the Old Testament will also evince.
Rites and ceremonies used at confession
Not only are the faithful to be taught that confession was instituted by our Lord; but they are also to be reminded that, by authority of the Church, have been added certain rites and solemn ceremonies, which, although not essential to the Sacrament, serve to place its dignity more fully before the eyes of the penitent, and to prepare his soul, now kindled into devotion, the more easily to receive the grace of the Sacrament. When, with uncovered head, and bended knees, with eyes fixed on the earth, and hands raised in supplication to heaven, and with other indications of Christian humility not essential to the Sacrament, we confess our sins, our minds are thus deeply impressed with a clear conviction of the heavenly virtue of the Sacraments, and also of the necessity of humbly imploring and of earnestly importuning the mercy of God.
Confession necessary.
Nor let it be supposed that confession, although instituted by our Lord, is not declared by him necessary for the remission of sin: the faithful must be impressed with the conviction, that he who is dead in sin, is to be recalled to spiritual life by means of sacramental confession, a truth clearly conveyed by our Lord himself, when, by a most beautiful metaphor, he calls the power of administering this sacrament, “the keys of the kingdom of heaven.” [Matt. xvi. 19.] To obtain admittance into any place, the concurrence of him to whom the keys have been committed is necessary, and therefore, as the metaphor implies, to gain admission into heaven, its gates must be opened to us by the power of the keys, confided by Almighty God to the care of his Church. This power should otherwise be nugatory: if heaven can be entered without the power of the keys, in vain shall they to whose fidelity they have been intrusted, assume the prerogative of prohibiting indiscriminate entrance within its portals. This doctrine was familiar to the mind of St. Augustine: “Let no man,” says he, “say within himself; I repent in secret with God; God, who has power to pardon me, knows the inmost sentiments of my heart: was there no reason for saying: whatsoever you loose on earth, shall be loosed in heaven; [Lib. 50. hom. 49.] no reason why the keys were given to the Church of God?” [Matt, xviii. 18.] The same doctrine is recorded by the pen of St. Ambrose, in his treatise on penance, when refuting the heresy of the Novatians, who asserted that the power of forgiving sins belonged solely to God: “Who,” says he, “yields greater reverence to God, he who obeys or he who resists his commands? God commands us to obey his ministers; and by obeying them, we honour God alone.” [Lib. 1. de pœn. 2.]
Confession obligatory, at what age.
As the law of confession was, no doubt, enacted and established by our Lord himself, it is our duty to ascertain, on whom, at what age, and at what period of the year, it becomes obligatory. According to the canon of the Council of Lateran, which begins: “Omnis utriusque sexus,” no person is bound by the law of confession until he has arrived at the use of reason, a time determinable by no fixed number of years. [Lat. conc. cap. 22.] It may, however, be laid down as a general principle, that children are bound to go to confession, as soon as they are able to discern good from evil, and are capable of malice; for, when arrived at an age to attend to the work of salvation, every one is bound to have recourse to the tribunal of penance, without which the sinner cannot hope for salvation. [At what time.] In the same canon the Church has defined the period, within which we are bound to discharge the duty of confession: it commands all the faithful to confess their sins at least once a year. [Lat. conc. cap. 21.] If, however, we consult for our eternal interests, we will certainly not neglect to have recourse to confession as often, at least, as we are in danger of death, or undertake to perform any act incompatible with the state of sin, such as to administer or receive the sacraments. The same rule should be strictly followed when we are apprehensive of forgetting some sin, into which we may have had the misfortune to fall: to confess our sins, we must recollect them; and the remission of them we can only obtain through the sacrament of penance, of which confession is a part.
(To be continued)
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The Sunday Sermons of the Great Fathers
M. F. Toal
THE GOSPEL OF THE SUNDAY
MATTHEW xiii. 24-30
At that time: Jesus proposed to the multitude this parable, saying: The Kingdom of heaven is likened to a man that sowed good seed in his field. But while men were asleep, his enemy came and oversowed cockle among the wheat and went his way.
And when the blade was sprung up, and had brought forth fruit, then appeared also the cockle: And the servants of the good man of the house coming said to him: Sir, didst thou not sow good seed in thy field? Whence then hath it cockle?
And he said to them: an enemy hath done this. And the servants said to him: wilt thou that we go and gather it up? And he said: No, lest perhaps gathering up the cockle, you root up the wheat also together with it. Suffer both to grow until the harvest, and in the time of the harvest I will say to the reapers: gather up first the cockle, and bind it into bundles to burn, but the wheat gather ye into my barn.
ST AUGUSTINE, BISHOP AND DOCTOR
The Tares and the Wheat
1. Both yesterday and today we have listened to the words of Our Lord Jesus Christ, recounting the parables of the Sower. You who listened yesterday, will today recall them to mind. Yesterday we read of the Sower who while he scattered the seed some fell by the wayside, and the birds seized it; and some fell upon stony ground, and it withered in the heat; and some fell among thorns, and was choked, and did not reach to bearing fruit. And some fell on good ground and bore fruit: some a hundredfold, some sixtyfold, and some thirtyfold.
Today the Lord relates another parable, again relating to the Sower, who sowed good seed in his field. While men slept an enemy came and oversowed it with tares. While the tares were yet green they were not detected, but when the fruit of the good seed began to appear, then the tares revealed themselves. The master’s servants were angry, seeing the weed standing thick amid the true grain, and they desired to uproot it at once, but were not permitted. But it was said to them, suffer both to grow until the harvest. The Lord Christ also explained this parable, saying, that He was the Sower of the Good Seed, that the devil was the enemy, the sower of tares, the harvest was the end of time and His field the world.
But hear what He says: In the time of the harvest I will say to the reapers: gather up first the cockle, and bind it into bundles to bum, but the wheat gather ye into my barn. Why hasten then, zealous servants, He says? See you not that the tares stand in the midst of the good growth, and you wish to uproot the bad? Remain quiet, it is not yet the time of harvest. Let it come, and let it reveal to you the true wheat. Why need you be angry? Why are you impatient that the bad should now be mixed with the good? They may be among you in the field, but in My barn they shall not be with you.
2. Recall the three places that were spoken of yesterday, where the seed grew not, the wayside, the stony ground, the thorny ground. The tares are the same as these. In another similitude they receive but another name. Because when one speaks in parables it is not an attempt to describe the properties of a thing, or some truth, but to convey a likeness of a truth. What I am here saying I know that few have understood, but we must speak for the good of all. In the visible things a wayside is a wayside, stony places are stony places, thorny places are thorny places. What they are, they are; because they are spoken of according to their literal meaning. But in parables and figures one thing can be called by many names. And so it is not out of place for me to say to you that the wayside, the stony places, the thorny places, are weak Christians; and that they are likewise tares. For is not Christ a Lamb? And is He not also a Lion? Among wild animals and domestic that which is a lamb is a lamb, and a lion is a lion. Christ is both. They are what they are by nature. He is both in figure.
It happens also in a similitude that things widely dissimilar are called by the same name. What is so widely dissimilar as Christ and the devil? Yet Christ is called a lion, and so also is the devil. Of Christ the Lion it is written: Behold the Lion of the tribe of Juda (Apoc. v. 5); and of the devil: your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, goeth about seeking whom he may devour (I Pet. v. 8). Therefore the One is a Lion, and the other is a lion. The One is a Lion in strength, the other a lion in ferocity. The devil likewise is a serpent, that old serpent (Apoc. xii. 9). Are we bidden to imitate the devil when Our Shepherd said to us, Be ye therefore wise as serpents and simple as doves (Mt. xii. 16)?
3. And yesterday I spoke of the wayside, I spoke of the stony ground, and of the thorny ground, and I said, be ye changed while ye may: break up the hard ground with the plough, cast the stones from the field: root out the thorns. Keep not your hearts hardened within you, where the word of God quickly perishes. Be not shallow soil, where charity takes no deep root. Smother not the good seed, sown among you with our labour, with the cares and the greed of this world. For it is the Lord who sows, we are but His labourers. But be ye good ground. We said yesterday, and we say it again today, to you all: let one man bring forth fruit a hundredfold, another sixtyfold, another thirty. In one man there is greater fruit, in another there is less: but all shall enter into My barn.
Yesterday I spoke to you in these words. Today I speak to the tares; but the sheep of the flock are themselves the tares. O unworthy Christians! You that fill the Church and at the same time torment it by the wickedness of your lives. Correct your ways before the time of the harvest! Be not like those who said: I have sinned, and what harm hath befallen me? (Ecclus. v. 4). God has not lost His power but He requires of you repentance. This I say to the wicked, who are likewise Christians; this I say to the tares. For they are yet standing in the field: and it may be that they who today are tares may tomorrow become good wheat. And now I address myself to the wheat.
O you Christians whose lives are worthy. You weep, few amid the multitude: you mourn, few among the many. But the winter will pass, and the summer will come, and lo! it will be harvest time. The Angels will come, who can divide the one from the other, and they will not err. We at this time are like to the servants, of whom it is written: Wilt thou that we go and gather it up? For we are anxious that, if it were possible, nothing that was evil should remain among the good. But it was said to us: Suffer both to grow until the harvest. Why so? Because such as you are liable to error. Listen: Lest perhaps gathering the cockle, you root up the wheat also with it. What good can you do? Will you not rather destroy my crop with your rashness? The reapers will be coming: and He explains who the reapers are: The reapers are angels. We are but men, but the reapers are Angels. We too, if we finish our course, shall be like unto the angels: but now, though we are angry with the wicked, we are ourselves still men. And we should remember this: He that thinketh himself to stand, let him take heed lest he fall (I Cor. x. 12).
And do you think, my Brethren, that the tares do not reach to these high seats? Do you think they are all down among you, and none here above? That we may not be such! But to me it is a small thing to be judged by you (I Cor. iv. 3).
But I tell Your Charity, that in these high seats there are good wheat, and there are tares; as among the people there are good wheat, and there are tares. Let the good be patient with the wicked; let those who do evil change their ways, and become as the good. Let us all, if possible, come unto God. May we all through His mercy escape the wickedness of this world. Let us seek good days, for we are in the midst of days that are evil: but in these wicked days let us not blaspheme, that we may reach unto the good days. Turning then with contrite hearts to the Lord our God, the Father Almighty, let us as best we can give thanks with all our hearts beseeching Him that in His goodness He will graciously hearken to our prayers, and by His power drive evil from our thoughts and actions, increase our faith, guide our minds, grant unto us His holy inspirations, and bring us to joy that is without end, through His Son Our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. Amen.
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FEBRUARY 6
St. Titus, Bishop and Confessor
1. St. Titus was one of St. Paul’s faithful helpers. The Apostle’s words, “To Titus, my own son in the faith” (Titus 1:4), indicate that he himself baptized this disciple. Titus accompanied St. Paul from Antioch to Jerusalem and served him in various ways. For example, it was he who carried his master’s second letter to the Corinthians. St. Paul left him a bishop on the island of Crete; then, during his second imprisonment, he sent him on a mission to Dalmatia (II Tim. 4:10), after which Titus probably returned to Crete. Tradition says that he did not marry and that he died a natural death at the age of 94. The “Letter to Titus” in the Bible, written about the year 65, gives testimony of St. Paul’s regard for him. It contains the fundamental principles governing pastoral and episcopal activities.
2. “The Lord promised him favor and made a prince of him, the honor of the priesthood was to be his forever” (Introit). These words constitute the greeting of the congregation to their priest as he approaches the altar today, representing St. Titus, whom God “promised a favor.” This favor includes reconciliation with God, the fullness of salvation, of grace, of blessings, and of salvation. Thus, the Saint, along with the celebrating priest, both united to Christ the High Priest, a mediator between God and the participating people, having the assignment and the power, by virtue of his priesthood, to channel to us anew the fruits of the redemption and of our union with God. As we look up to the holy Bishop and to the priest at the altar, we are happy in the thought that, in the priesthood of the Church, God has promised us a favor and has given us access to Him and to His infinite treasures. The Lord made him a priest and enriched him with the High Priest’s own dignity and power to sanctify. “Here was a great priest whose life was acceptable to God. . . . Where shall we find another to keep the law of the Most High as he kept it” (Epistle). We thank God for having bestowed such graces on St. Titus.
“I am sending you as lambs among wolves” (Gospel). Titus was sent by Christ to preach the Gospel at the side of St. Paul. That he did his best to fulfill this task we may gather from St. Paul’s expression of gratitude to God for having inspired Titus with as great zeal toward the Corinthians as he himself had (cf. II Cor. 8:16). His mission to Crete was a difficult one, for St. Paul complains: “The men of Crete were ever liars, venomous creatures, all hungry belly and nothing besides, . . . They profess recognition of God, but their practice contradicts it; it is they who are abominable, who are ill qualified, who are III qualified for the practice of any true Virtue (Titus 1:12-16).
Titus never tired of preaching and laboring for the cause of Christ. He faithfully obeyed St. Paul’s admonition: “A bishop, after all since he is the steward of God’s house, must needs be beyond’ reproach . . . . He must be hospitable, kindly; discreet, upright, unworldly and continent (Titus 1:7~). Here was a great priest whose life was acceptable to God (Gradual). We praise God on account of all the graces he gave Titus for doing such great things for His kingdom and for the salvation of souls. We beg Him to let us experience the power of his merits (cf. Secret).
3. Indeed, we pray that the Lord may send laborers, priests, missionaries, like St. Titus into His vineyard. St. Paul’s words to Titus apply also to us, in the daily incarnation of the Son of God on our altars: “The grace of God, our Savior, has dawned on all men alike, schooling us to forgo irreverent thoughts and worldly appetites, and to live, in this present world, a life of order, of justice, and of holiness. We were to look forward in our hope, to the day when there will be a new dawn of glory, the glory of the great God, the glory of our Savior Jesus Christ; who gave Himself for us, to ransom us from all our guilt, a people set apart for Himself, ambitious of noble deeds” (Titus 2:11-14).
Collect: O God, who didst adorn Thy blessed confessor bishop Titus with the virtue of an apostle, grant through his merits and intercession, that we may lead good and holy lives in this world, and earn at last a home-coming in heaven. Amen.
(Benedict Baur)
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CANA IS FOREVER
COUNSELS FOR BEFORE AND AFTER MARRIAGE
By Charles Hugo Doyle (1949)
Chapter Two:
THIS THING CALLED LOVE
Lord Bacon, one of the great English philosophers and essayists, tells us: “He was reputed one of the wise men that made answer to the question—‘when a man should fall in love and marry—’a young man not yet, and an older man not at all.’”
I, for one, cannot dismiss the feeling that the formulator of that answer was either once in love and was jilted, or he was married and his wife beat him. Love is the wine of existence and marriage is an honorable estate, or, should I say, for some it is an imperative one, and go along with Saint Paul, who fiercely puts it: “For it is better to marry than to be burnt.”? (I Cor. 7:9.)
In the second chapter of the Book of Genesis we are told that when the world was in its freshness of new beauty and Adam was master of it all, God saw the need of making a companion for him. One thing was lacking: “for Adam there was not found a helper like himself” and “it was not good for man to be alone”; and so God made Eve. Strange as it may seem, falling in love means searching and finding in another, the partner who will make it easier for you to fulfill your destiny and realize God’s plan for yourself. At least, that is one conception of love.
A clear-cut definition of love is not as easy to find as one might imagine. Few encyclopedias even carry the word. They devote pages to economics, art, and music, but ignore love. The writers of books on marriage either avoid giving a definition of it or frankly admit that it is indefinable. Cole Porter went so far as to set the question “What Is This Thing Called Love?” to music, yet he gave no satisfying answer. The inimitable George Bernard Shaw when invited to contribute to a book on marriage replied: “No man dare write the truth about marriage while his wife lives.” Perhaps that answer may supply a key to the problem of why so few have dared to define love. There may be as much “dare not” as “cannot” involved in this complex matter.
The gifted St. Thomas Aquinas had no inhibitions on the subject and boldly declared that “to love a person is to wish him well.” And Webster, as we shall see a few pages hence, goes along with the Angelic Doctor on that definition.
Sir Walter Scott says:
True love’s the gift which God has given
To man alone beneath the heaven.
It is not fantasy’s hot fire
Whose wishes, soon as granted, fly;
It liveth not in fierce desire—
With dead desire, it doth not die.
It is the secret sympathy,
The silver link, the silken tie
Which heart to heart and mind to mind
In body and in soul can find.
To Scott, then, love is a composite thing which, laying hold upon one’s nature, binds it with another in secret sympathy. Like grace, the effects of love are easier to treat than its nature.
Love, like death, is the universal leveler of mankind.
It is nature’s motive and reward. “We are all born of love,” said Disraeli, “and it is the principle of existence and its only end.”
It is only natural that since love was to be the mainspring of man’s existence it would be the very thing Satan would endeavor to counterfeit. Thus true love, like every genuine thing of value, has numerous imitations. The cruel task for many is to sift the wheat from the chaff, to distinguish the true from the false, the precious metal from the slag. There is but one thing against which genuine love is helpless and that is time. Love is like wine in that age improves the good and sours the bad.
If we are to accept modern songs, novels, the radio, and movies as our criteria, we shall believe that love comes at first sight and with such a crushing force that one is powerless to resist. Such, however, is not the case. If love were always to strike like lightning, then no one would be safe. Your mother might be smitten by the paper boy and your father by John’s Other Wife. Momentary attraction must not be confused with love, for love needs time.
Love at first is fancy, then there follows admiration, joined with respect and devotion. In this mélange of emotions there occurs, sometimes, violent agitation, but more often there is a gentle simmering, a confused but agreeable mingling, until gradually all becomes transfused into a vital feeling called love. “The introduction to this felicity,” says Emerson, “is a private and tender relation of one to one, which is the enchantment of human life; which, like a certain divine rage and enthusiasm, seizes a man at one period and works a revolution in his mind and body; unites him to his race, pledges him to the domestic and civic relations, carries him with new sympathy into nature, enhances the power of his senses, opens the imagination, adds to his character heroic and sacred attributes, establishes marriage and gives permanence to human society.”
Since so much depends on love for abiding happiness in marriage, it stands to reason that a comprehensive understanding of what real love is takes on paramount importance. There is nothing so misunderstood and no word so abused as the word ‘”love.” Little boys and girls “love” candy; women “love” mink coats; trees in every village and in every lane have “love” carved in their bark, and fences on every back street proclaim that A.B. “loves” C.D., while recapped Romeos whisper it gently and its magic is supposed to make liberties righteous. Ignorance of the development of love, as well as the multitudinous forms love takes, makes for the misunderstanding of it. A great many people imagine that all children are born with an innate love for their parents and their immediate family; that, later, puppy love develops; and finally that they will quite naturally go through the process of dating, courting, and then marry. Would that it were quite so simple!
Under the most favorable conditions everyone’s love life develops through five stages. The first stage comes in infancy when, as Dr. Vladimir G. Eliasberg, a psychology professor at Rutgers University, says, we begin by being narcissistic—that is, lovers of ourselves. Next comes our love for our Parents—then a love for our playmates—then a crush on a companion of the same sex (for example, a girl’s crush on her teacher)—finally, as teen-agers, we show the usual interest in the opposite sex, with thoughts of finding a life mate and marriage.
During any one or all of these stages, external forces may hinder or help the growth of love. Let us examine some of these hindrances or helps in detail. For instance, in the first stage of narcissism, a child in the normal home learns to depend upon its parents and finds it easy to transfer some of its love from itself to its parents. In those homes, on the other hand, where the child is definitely not wanted and lacks love, that child is a cheated individual and because he is not loved he refuses to love in return. In order to acquire a fine personality, a child must feel himself a worthy and wanted member of the family. A child needs to feel secure. Without security he is cheated, and a cheated child is a future delinquent. Parents who really love one another and who are considerate of one another and avoid harshness naturally provide the best background for the child’s security. The shrewish, nagging, domineering mother will stunt the growth of a child’s life. The proud, arrogant, sawdust-Caesar-like father, who rules his home with dictatorial edicts, will set a pattern for his child’s later love life. Knowingly or unknowingly, we become like those with whom we live and associate.
Another extremely important matter in the growing love life of a child is the proper attitude toward sex. The vast majority of children will grow up, choose a mate, and find in marriage the fulfillment of a real vocation. How successful this venture will be will depend upon a sensible sex education in the home. Growing up in a home where there are condemnation and embarrassed looks when the child asks the normal questions about sex and questions concerning life’s beginnings, as if it were something terribly unclean and sinful, tends to make of it a personality problem. Curiosity is merely whetted by such mid-Victorian attitudes and the child will seek information elsewhere. Parents actually warp a child’s sex life by their attitude of evasion or embarrassment when sex is mentioned. It suffices to say here that the best Catholic authorities assert that parents should avoid the extremes of prudishness on one hand and vulgarity of detail on the other. Pope Pius XI, in the Encyclical letter “On Christian Education of Youth,” pointed out the duty of parents to instruct their sons and daughters in sex matters when they are requested to do so by their offspring.
Sex questions should then be answered directly and reverently. The way in which parents handle this problem may affect their children and their children’s children for generations.
Still another way the love life of a child or teen-ager may be permanently affected is that by which a selfish mother or father sharing resents the child’s affection with friends and playmates.Amother who emotionally ties a child to her apron strings does that individual a great injury. Obstacles placed in the way of a child’s development in normal friendships can later turn out to be a real booby trap. Parents should endeavor to develop in their children, from early years, a wide range of friendships with other children of both sexes. The mother who boasts that she is her “son’s best girl” and who is eternally berating all girls as flirts, and who, to her daughter, pictures all men as “wolves,” does her offspring a disservice. The teen-ager’s normal adjustment may be impaired or irreparably damaged by such conduct.
Let us now consider some of the different manifestations of love. There is, as we all know, such a thing as a deep love of country; there is the love in friendship such as that which existed between Jonathan and David and between Our Lord and Saint John; there is filial love such as exists between a child and its parents; there is romantic love such as exists between two lovers; and nuptial love that which exists between a man and his wife.
Common sense tells us that in each of the above cited examples, the love is different. For instance, the simpler love in friendship is more or less restricted in external expression, for while there is genuine esteem and deep regard, we do not kiss or fondle all our friends. Again, the love that exists between members of the family, while much more demonstrative, has definite natural limits. A mother will have as deep and abiding a love for her child as she has for her husband, but the difference lies in the fact that her love for her husband is flavored by sexual attraction. The romantic lovers will love their parents, brothers, and sisters, but the love between themselves is the sexually flavored variety. And sexual attraction is a normal, natural, healthy desire, created by God Himself, without which few men and women would desire to marry and have children. Frankly, without sex attraction the human race would soon die out.
A deep understanding of the different kinds of love will keep parents from making the mistake of resenting the romantic love of sons and daughters. The new love will not extinguish filial love, it will strengthen it.
(To be continued.)
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Father Krier will be in Albuquerque, New Mexico (Saint Joseph Cupertino), on February 8. He will be in Pahrump, Nevada (Our Lady of the Snows), February 10 and in Eureka, Nevada (Saint Joseph, Patron of Families) on February 17.
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